twenty new songs for a new year

Thank goodness for iTunes giftcards. Sometimes I often choose to spend money on music and clothing rather than food...and other important things...but thankfully Santa heard my cry for new music. Yesterday, I tinkered with iTunes...here is a playlist of some of my favorite songs that have been on replay:

1) The Sweetest Thing by Camera Obscura
2) Possibility by Lykke Li (discovered her this past summer)
3) Sex Karma (feat. Solange Knowles) by Of Montreal (finally able to buy the new album)
4) Rainiest Day of Summer by Elizabeth & The Catapult (thanks to my hip roomies I heard about her/them)
5) We've Been Had by The Walkmen
6) Heart of Glass by Blondie (my ipod was in dire need of Blondie)
7) Alright by Supergrass (because it's just a fun song)
8) Cameras (Mike D Remix) by Matt & Kim (this remix is awesome)
9) The Loneliness and the Scream by Frightened Rabbit
10) Fall Hard by Shout Out Louds
11) She Makes Me Feel by Mansions On The Moon (lately I'm obsessed with electronic music)
12) Fresh Hex (feat. Beck) by TOBACCO (a mix of rough rock and electronic beats...perfection in my book)
13) Last Night At the Jetty by Panda Bear (this is Noah Lennox, the founder of Animal Collective so obviously all the songs are amazing)
14) Revival by Deerhunter
15) Nantes by Beirut
16) Winter by The Dodos (discovered these guys this summer and became obsessed)
17) Over the Hill by Agnes Obel
18) I Party (feat. Iz and DB Tonic) by Far East Movement FM (FUN)
19) Following the Sun by Mirah and Spectratone International
20) I'm Going Down by Vampire Weekend (any new music by them is good)

Favorite Things.

It is Christmastime. Yup, it’s here—already. I feel like this time of year always creeps up on me. The months in between August and December always seem to be a blur, as if that time never happened….as if that time is simply just a dream.

The children I nanny for always request that the radio be on in the car if we have to drive places, which I don’t always like because I’d rather talk with them but since they want to listen to Christmas music, I guess I don’t mind that much because this time of year is short-lived. One song that has been frequenting the radio waves is “Favorite Things.” The nine-year old, Hannah, asked, “What does this song have to do with Christmas?” Sadly, I didn’t have a good enough answer for her because I don’t really know myself. The song is originally from the beloved movie Sound of Music and whenever I hear it I always end up analyzing what I consider my favorite things.

This song came on a few times yesterday, as I was rushing the children here and there. This morning I awoke to a chilled room (New England has decided to freeze early) and I felt rested, peaceful and sound. This feeling normally doesn’t happen but for some reason it happened this morning. As I was bustling about in my room, tidying things, I began singing that song. As I was trying to get the song out of my head, I decided to head down stairs to the kitchen to get breakfast and to write down what I consider “favorite things.” So, here we go:

1) I have a strange obsession with packaging. Blame me for the depletion in the ozone layer, I guess because the more packaging the better. I will always buy the bag of chips that have a more appealing type of bag or I will buy makeup that will look nicer on my dresser….instead of really worrying about if it is the best kind or not. I also love to-go cups. Last year, in my apartment on campus it became known to my apartment-mates that I have an unhealthy obsession with to-go cups. I will literally spend money on cups instead of using the to-go mugs I have. I guess you could say I’m all about the aesthetics.
2) I love laughter. I love the way people have different laughs. Laughter is something that keeps me sane, keeps me relaxed, keeps me functioning. If a day goes by without laughter, then something is seriously wrong—especially considering the fact that my life is one big comedy. I’m always laughing at myself….which to some may not be good, but hey. Life is short, make the best of it and laugh your way through it.
3) I love words. I think everyone in the world knows that.
4) I love inside jokes. I find them to be fun, exciting and child-like. I enjoy having inside jokes with different friends. It means that I have varied friendships with others. Something that keeps my life moving.
5) I love God’s Word and how it always, without a doubt, surprises me. I can read the same verse a million times but each time it changes, just like me.
6) I love music and how it taps into emotions. Music is something that I cannot live without. I run to music, I drive to music, I clean to music, I (try to) cook to music, I dance to music, I cry to music…….it is a huge part of my life.
7) I love kindness from strangers.
8) I love how children don’t care that they have stains on their clothes or food on their faces….or snot hanging from their nose. They have more important things to be worried about, which I truly love.
9) I love running in the winter. I sound insane, I know but that burning in the lungs makes me feel that much more alive. I love how I can see my breath in the air and watch it rise to the sky—kind of like sending a smoke signal to God.
10) My newest favorite thing is my nephew. He was born in early November and I had the pleasure of meeting him over Thanksgiving. My, my, he is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. He is my newest obsession. I am so proud of my brother and sister-in-law and the life they are making. My nephew, Ryan, is loved more than he will ever know and he has one great life awaiting him and I feel honored that I have the privilege to watch him grow into a little man.

These are a few of my favorite things. I have a lot to be thankful for, this I know.

I aspire to some things….

jcrew matchstick dark wash jeans



american apparel thigh high socks (will wear them with ahem* longer skirts)



urban outfitters over-sized heart sweater





nine west booties




frye over-the-knee boots.



urban outfitters eternity scarf




urban outfitters earwarmer.



Here are some goals.

Some are a bit out there, but hey....

First goal: to wean myself off of the drug called FACEBOOK.

Second goal: to get my butt back into shape. I've been running but not nearly as much as I should be doing. Running is therapeutic to me. A lot of my friends think I'm crazy for saying something like that but it keeps my mind clear and my legs toned.

**I also would like to get into yoga more. My abs are currently hiding. They need to be found even in these winter months.

Third goal: to finish East of Eden. I have a habit of starting various books and never finishing them because of the busyness of life.

Fourth goal: to write more letters and get them SENT!

Fifth goal: to get the full bang look. I did get the bangs but the lady who cut them didn't do a very good job. I looked like DJ from Fullhouse. They lasted for about two seconds and then I proceeded to cut them again myself. Great idea, right?

...........no.

Sixth goal: to find a new job. I have a little more than a month to go before I'm officially done with my four credit class and by the time Christmas rolls around I need to have a NEW job. Nannying isn't going to cut it anymore!

Seventh goal: to study photography. I am going to attempt to teach myself. I have a book on photography that I got at this darling antique shop called The Stock Exchange. So, it's a little outdated. That won't stop me.

Eighth goal: to start knitting more. I find it soothing and it is a great skill to have because you can make beautiful things for the beautiful friends and family in your life! Plus, a hand-crafted present is more, what's the word? Meaningful.

Ninth goal: to attain enough money to buy everything in JCrew. Seriously, why does this store want to torture me? Above are some pictures of things that I am going to try to save up for.....a love of fashion sometimes means living off of cereal. Worth it? Sometimes.


Tenth goal: to love more.

up.

I look up to the mountains
does my help come from there?
My help comes from the Lord,
who made the heavens and the earth....
psalm 121


i believe it was when i started high school that my mother started saying, "keep looking up!"

she'd write these words down on small pieces of note paper
and place this reminder in random places...

somehow she always seemed to know when i was down.

(somehow she still knows).

lately, i've been looking straight ahead. to the left. to the right. and down. down. down.

not up.

i've been stuck for awhile in this current season of life.

the current "job" i have is getting me nowhere. i don't even know what to look for at this point.

in terms of relationships....i also feel sort of stuck. i want independence (i mean, who doesn't want that?) but i also want a feeling of belonging. hmm.

my parents. can i just say that without them i would be a lost little girl? they are my support system in more ways than i really even know. they keep telling me, "jonelle, this is just a season of life. this soon will pass. GOD has something for YOU."

i hear these words and of course become encouraged but that feeling instantly vaporizes into the air. (up in the air).

my God. my Father. can i just say that without HIM i would be a lost little girl? he is my true support system. he keeps my feet from slipping. he keeps my head from falling any lower. he takes me in his arms and says, "this is just a season."

i keep looking up because looking down only hurts my neck and hurts any chance of me seeing the bigger picture....hurts any chance of me coming into my own.

i look UP.

up. up. and away!

i find words romantic.

i find words romantic.

i do, really.

i find them untouchable. uncontainable. and often times, unspeakable, which isn't always convenient but that's where my pen and paper (and laptop) come in handy.

i am a lover of many things and one of them is the written word. i find that i can be swept up in a poem, in a phrase.....

e.e. cummings. billy collins. john steinbeck. jane austen.

(etc...)

sometimes i will notice something and my mind will describe it as if i'm writing. i can't even articulate this "experience" but my mind wanders to a place of description--

for instance: today, when i was cooling down from my run i saw an old woman leaning up against a light post on my street. she had her face pointed directly towards the sun and the sun showed every graceful line and wrinkle on her face. in that very moment, i was swept up. something so small. so insignificant, but yet....so beautiful. my mind began to wander and wrote a little something that i have since forgot, but life described by the written word is a true treasure in this lifetime.

i also find penmanship to be an intriguing thing. my grandmother once wrote out this bible verse on a piece of paper, which my mother photocopied and gave to all of us when she passed away. her handwriting is just like her. beautiful, warm and intelligent. i have it on my fridge in the apartment because the verse itself is beautiful but seeing her handwriting makes me feel as if she is still around. strange, perhaps, but it is a comfort. this is why i love getting mail. even little notes are nice. my mother would put little notes in my lunchbox and at school i would find them on top of my sandwich. something so small.

but so significant.

words. there are romantic in every way.

dr. seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

thank you, dr. seuss.

also, thank you to my dear tiny ones who matter and don't mind.

loves you.

the in-between

Today:

I went for a 5 mile run. Running in Beverly, where life bustles about, is exhilarating. I find that I feed off of a certain energy. -The cars buzzing by. The people walking about town.

(I do, however, enjoy the peace and quiet of the woods now and then).

Today:

I realized that my faith is the one thing holding me together....sometimes I forget my purpose....I forget why I am the way I am....why I am here in the first place and then I am reminded.

I am reminded that God is great. That He makes all things....good (great).

Today:

I listened to these three songs: Heal for the Honey by Brooke Waggoner, 'Round Midnight by John Coltrane and Good Day Sunshine by The Beatles. None can compare to King of Anything by Sara Bareilles. That song gets me PUMPED.

I find that we all interpret song lyrics differnetly and this song hits certain points for me emotionally. Music is an amazing gift. Sometimes I find music mind boggling. Yes, boggling!

Today:

I've decided to get bangs.

Tomorrow:

Who knows.

(guilty) pleasures.

katy perry's teenage dream.

justin bieber.

hulu.com.

youtube.

vogue.

cupcakes.

naps.

peanut m&ms.

facebook.

entourage.

jcrew.

sufjan and stoves.

Tonight was the first night I used the stove in my apartment. The very sad truth is: I've been living here since July. (!)

Whoops.

I thought, as I was eating my cooked meal, "What have I been eating?"

A very good question. I've been basically living off of three food groups: wine, carbs and....Panera Bread salads.

This also has to do with the fact that all I could afford at one point was cereal and milk...that was already in my kitchen. Those were a rough two weeks.

I've been listening to Sufjan Stevens who I am seeing in concert this November in Boston with my dear friend Lindsay. It's always nice to have something to look forward to.

(Listen to Holland by Sufjan Stevens).

I realize that not too many people may read this. That doesn't bother me. Blogging/writing is a form of therapy and a form of processing. I truly enjoy reading blogs that my friends have or even blogs of strangers. The everyday--we all do it. We have to, but we all do it differently. We all interpret it differently.

That's what is so exciting.

I find other people to be intriguing. I try to learn from others because I feel that's what we are to do.

I guess I am wanting to learn. Learn what I can....from others.

The movie, the Social Network (about Facebook...which I recommend) reminded me that we all want to be accepted by someone. By someones. That perhaps we want/crave for others to want to learn from us...maybe?

I realized all these thoughts above as I was cooking. As I was listening to Sufjan Stevens. These are my thoughts for this post. Simple, but they are mine.

une nouvelle saison

Fall is one of my favorite seasons. I can’t really put my finger on it, but there is something so significant about this season….it stands out. Each season that comes and goes brings changes—some small and some severe. Fall brings an air of change. The leaves change, the temperature changes, the ground changes and I always feel that I change. Of course, like everyone, I am always changing and evolving but it is different this time of year.

I can’t really put my finger on it.

I’ve been able to enjoy the few fall days that we’ve had so far. They’ve been few because Massachusetts just can’t seem to say goodbye to summer quite yet. Fall is a time where the apple reigns as king among all other fruits, where lattes taste like liquid heaven and where the beach becomes a place of real romance and beauty. This is my favorite season. The saying “time to turn over another leaf” becomes more tangible and to me, seems easier.

Throughout my life, I’ve been constantly changing into someone that I want to be. (At least, I think so….and it’s not without fallbacks….). I see it as a race—that I am running after this woman that I’m striving to be. She is wiser and stronger and has a deeper compassion. Sometimes when I think about this race I run each day it seems like a ridiculous concept, but in reality it isn’t. We all are striving to be something better….we are all striving to make the world a better place—to make our dent, to make our difference. By running this race, I provide myself with goals and since perfection will never be achieved in this lifetime, I accept the things I cannot fully change.

Fall is a time where I try harder to change. I become more aware of how I spend my time (ok, Facebook, it might just be time to say goodbye….), who I spend my time with, I try to be healthier, I try to read more, to write more and basically take more time where I can sit with my thoughts and meditate on things that matter. Ultimately, I try to strive to take myself out of the picture—to put others first. The more that I’ve done this I have found that my ability to love people becomes easier.

Change. A word that I run from but a word that I quickly return to. I anticipate what this season of life holds for me—what this season of weather….what it will produce.


The trees are in their autumn beauty,
The woodland paths are dry,
Under the October twilight the water
Mirrors a still sky

--segment of The Wild Swans at Coole by William Butler Yeats.

d.a.n.c.e.

Lots of people say that they can't dance.

Therefore, they don't dance.

I believe that everyone can dance. It make not look appealing to some, but that shouldn't matter.

Dancing is an expression of individuality. You bring yourself and what's inside of you out onto the floor. You say, "Hey! This is me!"

I think dancing is a beautiful form of creativity, emotion and its something that should be celebrated more.

I personally love to dance and anyone who knows me can back me up on this. I started doing dance shows in my living room. I'd crank some Mariah Carey and tear up the carpet (literally). I never cared who watched I just went for it.

Of course, when I got older I got more aware of the fact that people were watching. Especially when I became more of a professional dancer, but deep down inside, that little girl was just dying to get out. I decided at one point, "Who really cares?" Now, anytime I hear music I normally start dancing. I find it so funny how some people are so embarrassed by dancing!

Dancing is an expression and if you deny an expression that you want to....well, express you'll miss out on life. I feel like so many of us care way too much about what others think. WASTE OF TIME. Live your own life. Set yourself free. Life is too short to care about the persnickety people out there.

In life, express who you are. Don't think about what you don't have. Don't think about what you aren't. Think about what you do have. Think about all that makes you....you. Celebrate it.

Life. Is. Too. Short.

Transitions

I started this blog not really knowing where it would go....not really knowing what it would do or who would read it, etc. I feel like it won't be set to one thing. I feel like it will evolve, like life.

Lately, things in my life and things in my friends lives have all been about transition. These transitions look like many different things. A break up. A break down. A marriage. A new apartment. A new friendship. A new relationship. A new job. A new season. Etc.

My transition includes the past. I can't believe college is done. Four years went by like...(insert snap of the fingers) that. My mind constantly feels the pull of the past. I can't help but look back and dwell on all that happened. I can't help but look forward and dwell on all that will happen.

That's the thing though. I have no idea what the future holds. I am scared of this uncertainty. I have a job, yes. I am a nanny, for now but it doesn't feel very fulfilling. I am living in Beverly, a cute hipster town that is constantly bustling with people. But....for the first time ever I feel completely lost. School was always a safe haven of sorts and now that school is pretty much done...what is next? What transition am I going into? Can I choose this transition or will the transition choose me?

So many questions....yet to have the answers. The only thing that I am comforted with is the promise of a new day. I have to be patient. I have to be trusting. I have to be in the moment of each day....each promise. Good friends, good family....these two things make these transitions all the more easier.

Fall is approaching......its practically here. It is a transition of weather. As I transition into a new season of life I am hopeful. Hope. It is a good thing to have. A thing that I love. A thing that I share today with you.

Obsessed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRpeEdMmmQ0

watch. listen. get hooked.

iTunes told me that I've listened to this about 100 times....and I just recently purchased it. Whoops!


current mood: comme ci comme ca
current song: waka waka by shakira
current weather: slowly turning into fall....

flaw it out.

I'm a girl, so of course there are days (moments) where I think, "Hmm...I wish I was prettier. I wish I was in better shape." ---blah, blah, blah.

I think most people, guys included, deal with this insecurity. We live in a fast-paced world that is constantly pressuring us with certain expectations to attain to. How in the world can we do that? Better yet, why in the world would we do that?

In the past year I've had the privilege of having a realization. A realization that goes like this: what matters most is what is in your heart. Whatever kind of attitude you have within yourself of course radiates to the outside. Yes, cheesy, but inside beauty is what counts most. And we aren't perfect and who cares? Outside beauty is the first thing noticed, obviously but if you constantly hide what makes you....you... no one will be able to appreciate that true beauty (attractiveness) that you behold. Expressing you...all of you is what makes the world a place of interest. Beauty is all around. And it can be found within each of us.

I know that I have to remind myself, sometimes on a daily basis that flaws are okay. I can be so hard on myself. But why waste time when I should appreciate what I have? If I am not me, who else will be? And honestly, all of this "stuff" is fleeting. Sure you can have style. Sure you can be attractive. Sure you can have a hot bod. But what is behind that? Anything of substance? Hm.
Before you even attempt to work on your outer appearance, it is always best to work on what's inside. The inside is what makes you a whole person. The inside is what truly counts when it is all said and done.

I could go on about this forever. But I will refrain myself. Just some thoughts.....beauty is around us. Try not to miss out on it.

current mood: bien
current song: us by regina spektor
current weather: beauty.full.

a man who finds beauty: richard avedon. a talented photographer who captures the souls of his subjects. i'm obsessed. maybe you should be too?

sunday driving.

if you have a car, you should treat yourself to a little drive around town. roll down your windows, let the breeze in and blast some tunes. it really is a mood lifter.

i just purchased the new arcade fire album. i would suggest doing so. a mix of folk and rock n' roll. can't go wrong with that. true talent gets lost in the trash that is so often blaring from most radios. sometimes you have to dig to find musical treasures, but in the end it is always (always!) worth it.

one thought that has been consuming my mind is: "what am i doing with my life???" i am a "post-grad" who has just four measly credits to finish up. i work as a nanny at the moment. i have friends who are traveling the world and who have "adult" jobs. i find myself looking at their lives from the outside and think, why can't i have that? why don't i have that? i have to force myself to stop and think (breathe) for a moment. sometimes we so often forget to live life because we are consumed with the lives of others. if you don't thrive in your own life, who will? that would be a life wasted and that would be a horrible thing. not every minute has to be considered "epic." sometimes, in quiet moments, life happens....and when we enjoy the quiet and the right now, it just prepares us for something more amazing. we have to be patient. be at peace. ...we just have to be.

current mood: bien

current song: ready to start by arcade fire

current weather: beautiful beyond words

bonjour!

this is new.

it has been a work in process.

stay tuned for:

music. poetry. thoughts. photos. etc. etc. etc.

current mood: tres bien.
current song: fee da da dee by the guggenheim grotto.
current weather: drizzle. wind.